Sh*t happens

"Watching tv makes you smarter" Steven Johnson

If you think really hard, I am sure you can conjure up your first memory (that one particular moment where it all begins).  My first concrete memory took place when I was 3 years old. It might have been the severity of the incident that made the lasting impact. My mom was driving me to morning preschool in our minivan. And like other military children we would pass by the military bases landing strip. Seeing planes fly in and out was a normal thing, so to hear a military cargo jet coming from above was an ever day occurrence. But the sound this time was ear piercing. I remember looking out the window to see what was making the noise. Above us was a US AirForce Cargo plane on fire. Before I could look at my mom or even scream, the plane nose dived into the field directly on my right, causing the loudest sound I have ever heard. Pieces of plane flew everywhere, fire engulfed everything I saw. I sat there stunned and in tears.

My mom promptly turned around and rushed home to call the base police (we didn't have a cell phone, it was 1986). By the time we reached our house base sirens were sounding. I could not shake the visual from my mind. I sat and cried. I understood that something scary had just happened. But at three I didn't realize the severity of the crash. I couldn't wrap my head around what actually happened.

That night I somehow saw the news. They were reporting the crash and showing the people who were on board (in the military you can buy discounted plane tickets and ride in the jumper seats on cargo planes). I hadn't realized that there were even people on board until that moment. My thoughts went from just a plane on fire to people on fire in a plane on fire. I could not sleep for weeks, waking up in cold sweats, screaming at the top of my lungs. My mom finally took me to see a child therapist. The therapy helped me cope with the actual incident, but it never touched on the fear that I developed.

After the crash I developed a crippling fear of flying. I couldn't even look at a runway without shaking and getting goosebumps. At one point my parents had to sedate me so we could fly. I would have nervous breakdowns and panic attacks. Flying was terrifying and I did everything possible not to think about it.

Then in the 90's (when I started to go to the movie theater with friends) I began to encounter movies that really encompassed the storyline of plane crashes (Castaway, Con Air, Die Hard 2, Us Marshall's, Final Destination). At first I couldn't watch or even listen to the scenes where the plane goes down. But gradually, the scenes became easier to watch. And by the time I was a freshman in college the idea wasn't as scary. I started to develop a "Sh*t Happens" mentality. Planes crash and people die (it's a sad reality). When I finally came to terms with this, I took my first flight. Granted, turbulence scared me. But after my first flight I was able to fly again and again. Now it's not even a second thought. I LOVE flying. And I think that watching all those crazy 90's plane crash movies had something to do with it. I administered my own behavior modification therapy just by watching movies. And I watched these movies to feel included within my social circle.

Watching tv helped me overcome my fear. Proving to me that certain things happen that are beyond our control (sh*t happens). I think this ultimately made me smarter by allowing me to finally live my life to the fullest, by traveling and seeing things I wouldn't have been able to otherwise.

Just something I was thinking about after our class.